Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Toronto outcome!

Today was not what I expected, although Dr. Nicholas did mention that it is what thy may tell me...

Started the day off having to drink a barium drink that looked like milk and tasted absolutely disgusting. and it's a huge glass unfortunately... They even give you a straw.. I dont know who in their right mind would even use a straw... UGHHH. Cat Scan was quick and went well but then barium started giving me side effects like nausea and horrible cramps and diarrhea. Wasn't fun. Came back to the hotel after appointments were done and slept 3 hours which I needed.

Next we went to appointment with Dr. Gupta for 1130. Didn't see her till about 1230 and she came with Dr. Gladdy so 4 pm appointment with her was cancelled. If we would have known we could have went home tonight but unfortunately my train tickets are non-transferable. This is the news they gave us, the tumor has gotten smaller and is less active than original scans (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Very happy about that. But the bad news, (some of you may not think it's bad but I will explain why I think it's bad) is they don't want to do surgery. They are deeming it too dangerous. They want to do monitoring scans every 3 months only. The problem I have with that is that there is still "live" cancer cells in my body. Even though they are not "active" right now, they are still in there... Plus, I am still in a lot of pain, and they want me to try to come off the pain medication. How when I am still in pain????? They are trying me on gabapentin because they think it may help with the nerve pain part of it. They also do not believe that I will ever get full strength back in the left leg due to the extensive damage to the femoral nerve and wants me to do some physio therapy and start using a cane :(. I still get weakness sometimes where my leg totally gives out on me and they said due to the radiation to my pelvic area, the chances of hip fracture are a loooot higher with radiation. Even a little fall could cause major damage. I don't want surgery, it scares me but at the same time, I'd rather have surgery then know that I have live cancer cells in my body that may flare up at any point? What would you do in my situation? Dr. Nicholas mentioned to me that if they did not want to do surgery that we would definitely look for a second opinion... I think I may look into that in the New Year and just take a break for now or I may book an immediate appointment. I have so many questions, but felt so rushed here. At least with Dr. Nicholas I feel like I can ask questions and get answers, besides I trust him more than any of the other doctors I have worked with, Don't know why, maybe because he seems to be more caring? He did say if I felt I needed an appointment before the New Year to go ahead and make one. I think I may. Just to help put me at ease. Answer some questions. I will keep you guys updated.

I am not sure what to do, one on hand, I was really hoping for surgery even though I was scared. This "lump" is constantly causing me pain and it's very uncomfortable. My back is always in pain and I always feel tired. The lump also affects my appetite (or lack of) because its pushing against my stomach. If it was totally dead, I would feel a lot less worry and anxiety if they were saying lets leave it in. I would live with the pain...

Anyways, Mom and I went for a nice supper out and a little walk. Was nice. Now back at the hotel relaxing and heading home tomorrow. I miss my girls and my hubby and my bed and my city :)

Good night

Monday, 10 December 2012

On our way to Toronto

Well, we (my mom and I), are currently sitting on the train to Toronto. Yay for free Wi-Fi :)

For those who don`t know, I have had a very rough weekend coming on to this trip...
My dog Dubby, my extremely loyal companion for the last 12 years had a stroke on Thursday evening and lost complete feeling/use of his back legs... I prayed and hoped that he would recuperate from it, but after not being able to get up at all and not having went to the bathroom, my husband and I made the very hard decision to do what was best and end his suffering.... Hardest decision I have ever had to make... This dog has been the one constant thing in my life for the last 12 years and knows more secrets and things about me than anyone in the entire world!!!!!!! I saved him from someone who was hurting him when he was 6 months old. They were locking him up in a cage and hitting him all the time. When he first came into my life, I didn`t really want him. I was scared of Rottweilers because of their reputation for being aggressive, but I fell in love with the little guy and he helped me through a lot. I will never forget all the things he doesn`t even know he helped me through.  I am hoping he is happy up in Heaven with his mom and his brothers and sisters. And like the poem said that Marion gave me at church yesterday, He is playing at the Rainbow Bridge, and when I go up there, he will run up to me so excited and we will cross the bridge together. No more pain, no more suffering. May he Rest in Peace. Like my husband said, he wasn`t just family, he was also our friend...and he will always live on in our hearts...

Tomorrow is a busy day. Fasting Cat Scan at 9 am, Chemo Oncologist, Dr. Gupta appointment at 11:30 am and an appointment with Surgical Oncologist Dr. Gladdy sometime in the afternoon. I still have to call tomorrow to find out what time the appointment is at because I never got a call back to confirm the time. May be too tired to post tomorrow the results of the day but will try to do a quick post. We are sleeping at the hotel again Tuesday night as I know after the long day I will be way to exhausted to travel another 6 hours home.

 Thank you everyone for your positive thoughts, messages and prayers



Tuesday, 4 December 2012

5th Toronto Trip scheduled....

Hello everyone,

I got a call this morning asking if I was available to go to Toronto for a few days next week. I will be going on Monday night and returning Wednesday evening. I have appointments scheduled for Tuesday with Dr. Gupta (chemo oncologist) and Dr. Gladdy (surgeon). On Wednesday I will have a CT scan there.. Not sure if this means I am getting surgery or chemo but I will definitely know more once we go to Toronto. Looking forward to the trip...

I want to give a special thank you to my biological mom for offering to come with me, the anonymous donation from the church that will pay for meals and taxi, Cornwall CAS worker Emily Stewart who is taking care of the transportation costs and Kyber Outerwear bosses, Gina and Todd, (My job that I miss so much :( ) for hotel accomodations. Without you guys this trip would not be financially possible from my end.. You guys are great!!!!

Thank you